It has been a while since I have posted anything on here. I have been caught up in the craziness of life, and am enjoying a quiet evening while sitting here thinking about my little boy.
In 2 more days my rainbow girls will have there first birthday. I have been busy planning to make sure everything turns out perfectly. My babies will soon be toddlers, they are already walking and getting into everything. I am incredibly blessed to have these little girls in my life (and their big sister too!) But as the days get closer and closer to their birthday I am struck with the fact I never got to do this for my son. This year we should have celebrated his second birthday and instead nothing went as planned. I never got to make him a birthday cake and watch him smash it to pieces. I never got to wrap up gifts and watch him play with them. Some days I am so sad that I missed out on all these beautiful moments I wish I could have had with him. Hugs and kisses and even the messes, I miss them all. He never said a first work, learned to crawl or walk, I never even got to take him home and tuck him into bed. Wake up for middle of the night feedings, or change those crazy blow out diapers. No milestones, no birthday parties.
The twins never have and never will replace Emery. He is my only son, my angel. Even though I missed out on so many experiences with him. He gave me more then I could ever imagine. He taught me to be a better mom, to love all my girls and hold them close. I feel like this time I have enjoyed them being little and learning, instead of waiting for them to grow.
All day today I have thought about the fact that tomorrow is the last day I will have "babies" my babies are growing up. But sitting here tonight I know I will always have a baby. My little boy never got to grow up. My son is always going to be my baby. My little boy always.
