Today is mine and my husband's 4th anniversary. It is a day filled with mixed emotions. Last year this date was when we found out we were having a boy. I had a regular check up and begged the midwife to check and see if she could see the sex of the baby. There he was, our son, bouncing all over. We got the goofiest view ever because he wouldn't let us see his butt. But he was doing the splits so we could see from the side that he was a boy. She said I would wait a few weeks to tell everyone until our official appointment since it was a goofy view and it was a few weeks earlier then she likes to normally tell people. What did we do? We called our families, and then waited to tell everyone else. We were so excited, first grandson on both sides, and I had dreamed of a son. But the happy announcement we expected never came.
After the ultrasound I stopped at the lab to do blood work quickly. It was the downs syndrome test, figured no big deal so might as well do it. Little did I know I would get the call a week later that changed everything. On the 12th I got 3 missed calls from my doctor, SO WEIRD it made me nervous. On the 13th I called back right away, and got the word 75-80 percent chance that my baby had a brain or spinal defect. I panicked!
Well my announcement of our son came along with the news that he had anencephaly. Not a way I would ever think I would announce my son. It is hard to believe it has been a year since such a happy day, turned into a time that was shortly clouded by such heartbreak. I wondered how today would go for me, besides our anniversary its a reminder of how different I thought my life would be. I thought I would have my almost 7 month old son here in our house, playing learning and growing. Instead its pictures and memories, something I never expected a year ago. I had a son, for a very short time. I think of him every day and today is no exception. That little boy changed my life and I love and miss him so much.
