It is my second Mother's Day since I held my little boy, and I sit here and try to remember how he felt in my arms. Most mothers spend this day hugging their children, updating everyone with new pictures and showing off their babies. Angel moms though spend the day looking through old pictures and trying to remember every moment they can. All the moments are already memories, no new pictures waiting to be captured. Mother's Day can be one of the harder holidays. It's a holiday dedicated to celebrating you but without babies it's not a holiday for you. So when your baby is gone it's a time that is accompanied by some sadness.
I miss my son today. I miss how he felt in my arms. I miss being pregnant with him, and getting to know the amazing little boy he was. He changed my life and things will never be the same. I learned a new kind of love and about how completely you can fall in love even when they are not around each day. My son has given me so much, a new appreciation for life, God and my family. And now because of my son (yes I really believe this) I have 2 beautiful newborns keeping me busy. If it hadn't been for our hello and goodbye with Emery, we wouldn't have these babies. I know he knew how much we missed him and he picked out the perfect little sisters. The way they stare at his pictures just make me even more sure they know who he is. They brought a new brightness into my life and into my Mother's Day. And though my arms may be full now there is always a place in me for Emery. He felt different in my arms, somehow they knew they were holding and angel, and that feeling will never be replaced no matter how many times I rock his sisters the same way I rocked him.
I miss him so very much, today and all days. I am so thankful for him and for the guardian angel I know he is to all 3 of his sisters.
I love you Emery. Thank you for letting me be your mom!
All 4 of my babies.
