Catching up

So the past few months have been unreal for me so it has been hard to keep up with posting stuff.  It started shortly before the last blog I wrote.  We found out we were expecting.  It was a dizzying feeling!  I kept thinking it cant be real, and will this baby be ok?  It was a lot to keep going day by day.  Keeping my mouth shut and praying constantly to be having a healthy baby.  All the emotions I had experienced with Emery seemed right at the surface and I felt constantly one step away from breaking down.  Babies are a happy time right?  But for many families once you lose a baby, a pregnancy becomes a terrifying time, you try desperately to enjoy, but mostly are just happy you make it out the other end.
So here I am, 5 weeks pregnant calling my doctor.  The doctor who saw me when I had the molar pregnancy, and then the entire time with Emery.  I figured they would understand my urgency in wanting to get in right?  If it was a molar pregnancy I would need a D&C.  I knew it was too early to know about anencephaly, but they could definitely tell me if it was a molar pregnancy.  There were a few things I thought were weird starting with this pregnancy that based on my past made another molar seem very possible.  First the test I took was VERY positive.  Like the pregnancy line was positive before the control like ever showed up.  Second I also felt like I was getting bigger much fast then I should have.  Knowing all of this my doctors office said, we will get you in, in a few weeks, then we will schedule an ultrasound after that.  So here I am frustrated and scared I started calling doctors.  I called all the doctors in my city and it was going to be weeks to see them, or the had to approve me or blah blah blah!!  Finally I decided to call the specialist who confirmed Emery's diagnosis.  He is an hour away but said he would see me for my next pregnancy, and as if I wasnt having a frustrating enough time with doctors, he wasnt in the office anymore and no one knew where he was at now, and THEY couldnt get me in without a referal.  I was about to cry and I thought of 1 last idea.  I called the doctor who delivered Marlee.  I loved him, but when we moved it didnt seem practical to drive an hour away when there was a doctor walking distance from my house!  WELL they got me in within less then a week, ultrasound first then an appointment.  An hour drive was nothing to find out if I would need surgery again.
SO September 10th, my appointment day.  We take Marlee to school and set off to the doctor.  I felt dizzy driving up there and sick to my stomach in the waiting room.  I just wanted to get through the end.  Finally we get called in for the ultrasound.  The tech rights that she is checking for "viability".  I hold my husbands hand and my breath as she starts the ultrasound.  I look at the screen and say, "why does it look like that?" she zooms in and I burst out crying,  I could see 2 tiny little sacks.  She said it is TWINS!! I wish I had seen my husbands face!  We listened to both heartbeats and she told us they were fraternal, took a few pics then sent us back into the waiting room.  I dont think either of us knew how to react, especially in the waiting room in front of other people!!  Here I was dizzy again, but this time from shock!  We were thrilled, unbelievably SHOCKED, but thrilled.  Not once did I worry about two.  I thanked God for the gift and Emery for looking out for not 1 but 2 little babies.  Now we needed to pray doublely that each baby would be healthy.  But for now we were just so happy and blessed.

Now began a 6 week wait to be able to see the babies again and determine whether or not they have anencephaly.  Those 6 weeks were filled with some worry, lots of prayers, and convincing myself to relax cuz it was out of my hands anyway.  We told a couple people along the way, our families and a few friends. But most everyone didn't know.  We wanted to know WHAT we were telling people before we told them. So finally those weeks were up and we were headed to see the specialist.  My doctor wanted me to do the ultrasound at a specialist based on my history.  October 22nd we head to the office.  Once again my nerves are all over the place and I am just focusing on getting through.  My husband though was walking around outside the waiting room and came in and dragged me out.  He took me around the corner and showed me a glass carving of not one but 2 dragonflies.  He said, "that is Emery telling us that BOTH babies will be ok".  He grabbed my hand and we headed back into the waiting room and I found a strange new calm about me.  We talked to the genetic counselor.  She said the risk is about 1-2% per baby.  And any daughters we had would have a 1% chance, and maybe even half that, if they take a high dose of folic acid before they get pregnant.  They talked about family history and down syndrome, as I told them that doesnt matter to me! I just want a baby who can grow up in my home, with or without down syndrome that will be a LOVED baby and I didnt want the extra blood tests.  Next we went into the ultrasound.  She showed us not one but 2 beautiful round heads.  They also both have two arms, 2 legs, hearts, stomachs, and kidneys.  Everything they could see at 12 weeks looked completely normal and healthy.  What a relief!  Babies look ok!  I went through with our announcement and told everyone we were expecting 2 babies.
We have set our appointment for the 20 week one and I cannot WAIT to get there.  I cant wait to know all organs function correctly and there is nothing they can see wrong.  It is still hard to shake.  Now that I know how much can go wrong, I always have some amount of fear.   Continued prayers are greatly appreciated, and I will finish with more of "our story" (unrelated to the twins) another day.