Emery

I wanted to start a blog to document how we are making it through the toughest times of my life.  I want to be able to vent, but look back and realize how  far we have come.  Today I am 21 weeks pregnant with my little boy.  I've dreamed of having a son, I wanted his daddy to teach him to play sports and for him to love and look out for his sister.  Unfortunately a few weeks ago I found out our son has anecephaly.  After much research and speaking with doctors and specialists the short story is his head and brain didn't develop the way it should have.  Back before I even knew I was pregnant the bones for the top if his head were forming, for whatever reason they never connected and closed the way they should have.  Since it didn't connect it let the bones weak, the pressure from the fluid most likely crushed the small bones that were there.  Without a safe place for his brain it wasn't able to keep growing because the fluid pressure prevented it from developing further.  So what does this mean for him, for us?  I was devastated, it is really unknown how long he will survive. He may not make it through pregnancy, or through delivery, and if he is a strong little fighter and is born alive he could live minutes, hours or days there is no way of predicting how this all will play out.  All I know is I don't get to watch my little boy grow up and play with his sister.

As weeks have gone on since we got this news my wonderfully supportive husband and I have decided to carry him to term.  We don't want to play God and chose to end our sons life when it isn't his time. We want the opportunity to take some pictures of him and kiss his little face and love him with every ounce of our bodies.  He deserves the best while we have him! Not to mention he is our little boy and we will always love him, whether he is here in our arms or up in the sky looking over us.  I am thankful for the love and support of our family and friends as we hold on to every second with our son.  I'm sure there is a reason he was chosen not to be a part of this word but i am thankful for every moment with him.  I love feeling him roll around and his little kicks.  I look forward to every ultrasound so I can enjoy every moment I have of seeing him.  Next one is in a week, I pray for the best, as our whole family will be coming.   Thanks for reading I'll update soon since this is just a piece of the puzzle that is my life.