Reality is setting in...

What does it mean to realize, the child your have created and carried inside you never gets to grow up in your home?

We had a 3d ultrasound of our beautiful son yesterday, I was a rock through the whole thing, just thankful to be seeing his adorable little face.  As I looked around the room and watched various members of our families wiping tears from their eyes I realized the effect it was having on everyone.  They are losing a grandson or a nephew, even a great grandson,  without ever getting to hold him and play with him.  As sad and hard as it is to know a member of your family is dying without ever having a chance at life, being a parent of  the child has to be even harder.   Everyone's heart breaks for him, and for us, but our heart just stays broken.  How hard will it be to watch him take his last breath and have to let him go?   I think they will have to pry him out of my arms.  He is my soul, he is my son and I am not ready for him to be dying!!  I wish I could have a chance to watch him grow up and learn.  I want to watch his sister play with him and help take care of him, and watch my kids interact with each other.
As sad as I am about this situation it has brought me unreal amounts of strength!  I never knew I could find a way to make it through day by day knowing my kid was fatally diagnosed.  I cherish the moments I'll only ever have in pictures memories and videos.  I pray my daughter has the chance to hold him, meet him and kiss his little cheeks.  I do not know what to expect from this situation, it feels so out of control.  All I can do it CHOOSE to be happy with the time I have with him.  Treat him like my son, tell his story and find a way to fight for every minute of his brief lifetime.  Years from now as I look back I want to remember that though I was sad, I stood strong and found the love in the moments.  Whether I have more kids, or not he will always be my son,  my first born son, and his soul will not be forgotten.  I gave him a piece of my heart,  I never want it back, I want to share it with him forever.
These are the moments I can never replay.  I want to give him the  best I can for the whole time he has, in and out of my belly.  I love you little boy.  Your daddy and sister love you too.  So does all of our family's  you are loved more then you will ever know, but I pray we show you the best we possibly can.