Return to the hospital

After I had Emery I started thinking about how lucky I had been to have the time to prepare for his birth.  I had the clothes I wanted, plenty of things to stamp hand prints and footprints.  I have molds of his hands and feet, and my favorite is the 3d mold we made of his hand.  I know a lot of parents aren't as lucky as I to have had time to prepare.  I had collected a few hand molds blankets and clothes to bring to the hospital and today I finally got around to bringing things in.  As I got to the hospital I suddenly felt totally nervous and overwhelmed.  This was the only place my son was alive, it was the only time our families got to meet him and the time where we spent the last of our time with him.  

I brought in the items and got to see one of the nurses who was there with me part of the time while I was in labor.  She worked all day Monday and Tuesday then was off for 3 days.  She called Wednesday though to check on me and see if I had Emery, which I had by that time and the other nurses updated her.  I felt so very lucky to have such wonderful and compassionate nurses.  All of the ladies who worked with me have made such an impact on my life for the time they spent taking care of my son, my family and I.  She asked how I was and gave me a hug, I told her I have been good and she told me she was sorry for my loss.  What I told her was, as much as I want my son to be here he has made such an imprint on my entire life I cant be sad about the whole situation.  Emery gave me so much, and no one should feel bad that he isn't alive.  He taught me more then I would have ever planned to learn and his life has greatly impacted me and so many others.  

I don't want anyone to feel bad, I came out of it genuinely happy.  Some days are rough, but that is part of life.  I will always miss him but as weird as it may sound I feel lucky!  I don't feel lucky that he died but I feel SO lucky that he lived!  I had the opportunity to give him a birthday and all that he knew in this world was love.  He may not be here for all the birthdays we have but we were there for his and that's what counts!

 3d hand mold with a little rosary a nurse gave to us (which I almost cried when I saw the dragonfly!)

 3d Hand mold, do you see the heart in his hand :)  SO sweet that his creases had a heart

 footprint

 Hands and feet

What the hospital gave us of his hands and feet. 

Every parent who doesnt get to bring home a child should at least be able to have some of these.  I LOVE seeing his whole hand, I think it is awesome.  My daughter asked us if we cut his hand off, since it is exactly how he was :)