2 months later

Today marks 8 whole weeks since my son was born, and passed away.  It has been a long week around this house and it makes me wish my son was around.  First last Friday we got a puppy.  This new little girl seems to be just what we needed to love on since we are missing Emery so much.  My daughter named her Sunshine.  She is so sweet and playful and I love her but today she is pushing it!! Also after we were home I noticed my almost completely black dog had a little white on her chest, and it looks like a dragonfly! :) She is 9 weeks old today as Emery is 8, she was born a week before him.  I am wishing I was holding my son, chewing his toys and blowing raspberries on his belly.  Showing my daughter how to be sweet to him and how to be gentle.  But I am cleaning up dog accidents off the floor all day today, and the puppy is mad at me for her being in trouble!  I love this little puppy but good grief she is testing me today.  Hopefully I wear her out enough to enjoy a quiet bath and early bed time.

 Here is Sunshine

Here is her white dragonfly...not a great picture but you an only see it when she sits and she doesnt do that very long :)  OR maybe I am crazy :)

The second big thing this week was Easter.  It was the first big holiday since we said goodbye to Emery.  I never realized it would be a big deal.  It was a wonderful day and I had so much fun with my daughter and my family. But at night at home when things quieted down I spent the evening with my husband in the back yard in front of a fire.  Once things had calmed down I missed him so greatly!  I sat on the couch and tried to write, but the words didn't come.  It was a jumbled mess of loneliness.  I remember when I found out I was pregnant I looked online to see when Easter was because I knew it would be the baby's first big holiday, I was curious how old they would be.  7 weeks...if he came on his due date he should have been 7 weeks old.  I could have dressed him in an adorable little suit and taken Easter pictures with him and my daughter.  Every year since she was born we had Easter pictures with her, I wished we could started have including Emery in that.

 At church my daughter put in 2 dollars and wrote it was from Marlee and Emery.

 Our tie dyed easter eggs

 Our theif of a puppy who stole the eggs.

 My girl searching for eggs...though that yellow one was near impossible! :)

 Chocolate and sprinkle dipped peeps we made for brunch with family.

My daughter on her way up to see the Easter bunny....patiently waiting for those other children

Then on Monday it was April fools day.  But far more importantly when my husband and I started dating.  We dated for a while before we got married, so we always celebrated our anniversary then, and though we have been married 3 and a half years it is still fun to celebrate on April fools day too.  We never do a big thing, just usually dinner or a movie or something.  This year we went out to dinner and talked about our lives.  In 6 years we have lived in 8 places, had 9 rabbits, 4 cats, 4 dogs, 4 cars, 2 children one of whom died.  6 years quickly felt a lot more like 12!  How have we possibly been through so much as a couple, and as a family in that time!  We must be destined to be together since we have sure been through a lot and have made it this far still smiling :)

 from our wedding :)

 When we were dating

 Pregnant with my daughter

On our honey moon 

What a 2 months it has been!  We have had 2 accidents, court, holidays, birthdays!  In a normally pretty uneventful time of year we have been packed full of things to do!  I think of Emery every day, and will miss him forever but he has made me a new person.  I know this sounds like I am a downer, but really its more like a bad day.  Most days I smile because of the life we gave him, thankful for the time we spent with him, and proud of how strong he was!

This week too I was reminded how lucky I am to have met some beautiful ladies who unfortunately lost their son's as well.  I got beautiful things from these ladies this week and I wanted to share how lucky I am!

The first one is from Aaron's mom.  He was born and died from anencephaly a few days after Emery was.  She started off making bracelets for dad's who lost babies, but makes them for other family members as well, I got one for myself and my husband, and one for our daughter as well, all with dragonflies :)  She also made a dragonfly for us as well how awesome!! Here is her facebook and blog .

The second one a friend got for me. She is mommy to Samuel who is about to have his first birthday in heaven. 

 She runs All That Love Can Do her facebook page-here

and this blog

She knew how special dragonflies were to me I love it!! It was made by http://thesacredshore.blogspot.com/