Just another day

I am overwhelmed by how far I am behind in school!!! All my focus has been on my own personal life mostly with my son, and planning all of this out, now I suddenly realize I have homework for days!  Thank  goodness I don't have the kind of job I can get behind in or I'd never catch up!  Also I pulled my daughter from preschool so now I have daily home school lessons for her since her school was so ridiculous and she was learning nothing.

I feel like I am stretched so thinly all the time I have left for my husband is spent in silence.  At least he doesn't really want to talk, I think the idea of losing his son is pretty scary to him too.  He tells me every day how lucky I am to have this bond, to feel him move everyday and know he is so close to me.  He had never told me he wanted a son, he always said it didn't matter.  But once we had found out we were having our son I think he was so excited, and now completely devastated.  During our ultrasound over the weekend I promised myself I wouldn't cry.  I wanted to just think of the positives, but once he started to cry I just started at the screen showing our son, didn't blink, and I just squeezed my husbands hand and focused on biting my lip.  I made it through without crying, brought the dvd home, turned it on and broke down.  He was so perfect, it is so hard to believe my baby boy will soon be an angel.  I know you can see what is wrong with him physically, its obvious but to me it wouldn't ever matter, if only there were a way to have him make it, i'd do or give almost anything to make it happen.

On a happier note, he is moving lots more, its a mix of happy and sad with every kick though, knowing how much I'll be missing it.  But my daughter got to feel her brother kick for the first time today, it was amazing.  He always hides when you touch my stomach, so I didn't know if she would ever feel it. My husband has only felt him a few times, when he is very still.  Silly baby boy, I love you.

I better stop writing on here though and get on doing my homework before I'm too tired to be awake though.  Goodnight, thanks for reading.