I have been very open an honest about my son's condition. In my eyes it makes him no less of a person, no less of a son then he otherwise would. But this world is so judgmental do they blame me? I wonder when I tell people my baby has a neural tube defect that they think I caused it. Maybe they think I was drinking, or using drugs, that maybe this was for the best that he won't grow up in my house. It breaks my heart. I didn't drink or smoke, I didn't do anything wrong. I don't think I am a horrible person, or mother. But I wonder how other people feel? I keep trying to say it doesn't matter, and I guess it doesn't, I just wonder. Whenever I explain that yes my son is due in February but unfortunately he won't make it I always get an apology and a look...what is that look?? I am not asking for sympathy, or anything else, I just want no one to ask questions once he is born. I want the time after he is in born for me to process as I need to without ever having to answer questions on a bad day.
I am carrying my angel, and I love him with all my heart. I don't know how much time I have left with him but I love every second I have left.
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