I had been very worried that this past weekend has been an interesting and trying weekend for me. Saturday was my birthday, anytime anyone asked me what I would want, I felt like stomping my feet and crying because the only thing I truly wanted was to have my baby boy in my arms. As days came up to my birthday I grew more worried for the day. Mother's day was less of a concern because even though I am a mom I still think of it mostly as a day for my mom and grandma. This weekend surprised me though, I had an amazing time. I missed Emery, but I felt as though he was there with us. I enjoyed my birthday and mothers day spending both days with my family.
I know many mothers to angels dread mother's day, and though I was a little worried it was not the dreadful thing I feared. I felt so joyful knowing I had given him a life. I filled his life with love and enjoyed every single second I had with him. There were some tears watching his videos but they faded fast and I just smiled. My son has taught me an incredible love and showed me I have enormous strength. What I miss about him is a physical connection, holding him and kissing him. I don't miss his spirit because I know it is with me every where I go, every step of the road. He makes sure I know it by showing me those dragonflies. Every single day I have seen a knew one. I know he is ok and is safe, a mother couldn't ask for more.
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