10 more days

As I sit here and type about there being only 10 days left to my pregnancy I am not quite sure where I stand emotionally.  It is very bittersweet knowing my son will be here SO soon.  Things are different then a normal pregnancy, where I would be ecstatic that my son was coming.  Making sure the nursery was together and all his clothes were washed.  It is strange to plan for this.  I have no nursery.   He has some clothes, ranging from preemie to newborn, blankets, and he has a stuffed dog and a lion rattle.  Other then that I don't have all the normal things needed for newborns.  I don't have a closet full of diapers and burp cloths.  It is a weird thing to wrap my head around.  There will certainly be a ton of joy when Emery is born, but along with the joy will come sadness.  I pray everyday we have time with him alive, but no matter what we will have time with him.  The hospital said we have as much time with him as we want, no matter the outcome at his birth and for that I will be so grateful.(as I have met many people who are not so lucky)  I have everything planned as much as possible, bags packed, keepsakes packed, birth plan, phone numbers, and a journal on hand.  My camera is charged and I have a new card to take a ton of pictures on.  It is a very weird situation to go into.  Unless you have had to plan something similar yourself you can't quite understand, before this I would not have understood.

I guess I am pretty prepared for what is to come, I have spent the majority of my pregnancy knowing what was coming.  I found out I was pregnant at almost 7 weeks and then got the diagnoses at almost 20 weeks.  Instead of spending my pregnancy planning to bring a baby home I spent it making the most of every single moment, knowing he probably would never come home. I have gotten ready emotionally and helped my daughter prepare as well.  My family has been so supportive, and my husband has been absolutely amazing.  He is going through the same thing as me emotionally but has been so strong the whole time to help us get through it.  I know the hardest days are still to come but I have done everything to enjoy my pregnancy and will do the same while he is in our arms.

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment to see how things are going.  But at this point I am pretty sure he is comfy where he is at.  He stays so far up in my ribs that they feel as though they may break!  I love it though, he is sure close to my heart that way :)