Saturday, March 23, 2013

The little things

It is funny to me the things you find to appreciate when your baby is gone.  I was online tonight and came across something that says it fades stretch marks.  After my daughter I would have been thrilled to try it.  I had, and still have a ton from my pregnancy with her, but I am thinking I will just accept them.  My pregnancy with Emery was different, I got only a few and they add up  shorter then an inch, and I want them there!  Never would have thought I would appreciate something most people wish would disappear.  But the few tiny lines I have from my pregnancy with Emery are some of the only things I have, and I do not want it to go away.

As a parent who was expecting a child, knowing they were going to die, the things I hoped for changed.  With my daughter I hoped for sleep at night, her health, and to see her happy.  But since those things were taken out of the equation with my son I hoped for much different things.  Besides a birth certificate, I hoped to hear my son cry, to change a dirty diaper, to see a breath or heart a heart beat.  Most parents don't enjoy changing diapers, waking up at all hours, or listening to a screaming baby.  I know they sure weren't my favorite things when my daughter was a baby, but now they are things I long for.  Emery SHOULD be crying, waking up at night, dirtying clothes and diapers.  Who would have thought I would wish for that.

It is easy to take things for granted when you don't realize how many things in life can go wrong, and how things must perfectly align on a daily basis to go "your way".   I took so much for granted when my daughter was born.  I felt like I spent the whole time looking forward instead of enjoying her time as an infant.  I spent my days wondering when she would sit up, crawl and walk.  When would her teeth grow in, and what would her first word be?  My daughter grew up so quickly (and still is) anyway I feel as though I missed out on the moments with her.  I will be the first one to admit that I never truly understood or was able to appreciate what a miracle, what a blessing it is to have a smart, beautiful, sweet, healthy daughter!!  I would love to go back and relive those days with her as a baby, but instead I will focus on today (since that's the only option I have:) ha  )

Emery taught me to appreciate the little things in my life.  The moments that fly by and seem unimportant really can be ones to hold tight to and remember.  I may not have him in my life every day to enjoy his time with, but I do have my daughter, my husband and the rest of my family to hold onto and love!  You never know the path your life may take you on, you just have to hang on and appreciate the ride.

As I have said a million times, I am so very thankful for my son.  How lucky am I to have been blessed with an angel to have held and kissed!! I really appreciate both my kiddos.



 Picture by our cousin Carla

Picture taken by my wonderful husband.  Taken when we had some time alone with him, before we had to say goodbye.

No comments:

Post a Comment