Sunday, March 3, 2013

"The Hat"

Talking to other mom's who have had children with anencephaly has gotten me thinking about something..."the hat".  It is something you plan for while pregnant and prepare SO much for ahead of time.  You worry about keeping your baby's head covered up, for many reasons.  For fear of what you might see, for pictures, for warmth.  No one honestly wants to talk about what their worries are.  But it is scary!  Going into whatever it might mean seeing your child with part of their head open.  I admit it, I was scared.  I thought it would break my heart.  I know I wasn't the only one in my family who had fears, and I know that other families go through the same thing.

The hat is something you plan for.  I made sure I had a hat (which my mom made).  Other parents make sure their kids have hats as well, and all the pictures you see of these little babies they are wearing hats.  You can find medical pictures of what anencephaly looks like, but when it is a loved baby it is different.  I am thankful to be part of a group where parents can post pictures of their babies without their hats on.  And you know what? They are beautiful children!!  When looking at these pictures you see precious faces, and chubby cheeks!  You see love, and babies who are incredibly loved.

Trust me, I am a realistic person, thats why I have never posted any pictures without "the hat" on Emery's head.  But the whole time my husband and I were alone with him I dont think his hat was on his head.  I have  the creative shots where I can post them, and have.  But I do have lots of pictures of him as well without it.  I was not ever fazed, sad, upset, scared or anything else when seeing my son.  He was my son, and that was all I saw.  Even the nurses who checked on us just saw the love.  When it was time for us to say goodbye, and she took him away we were told by other nurses that she went to the nurses station and rocked him.  How lucky was I to have nurses that cared about my son that much!  She didn't want to have to give him over either.

It is sad to me that us as parents have to worry about "the hat".  It seems like you plan for the baby to have a life revolved around a hat.  I just want other parents to know that no matter what you will love your baby.  Your baby will be beautiful and you should not have to be ashamed or scared of what they look like.  There are other parents who understand.  I am so thankful for the support from other parents who understand, and who think my son is just as handsome as I do.  Even without his hat :)

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